Some people wax rhapsodic in re: the virtues of high density housing. Those people don’t have upstairs neighbors like mine. I hope you’ll indulge me in an open letter to these neighbors.
Dear Sir and Madam;
Your children’s raucous and undisciplined behavior speaks eloquently of their fundamental savagery, and of your deep failures as parents. I have no doubt that your son will turn to drugs at a young age, and that your daughter will become a woman of loose morals. When I think of you, I weep for the future of Western civilization.
You are shiftless and inconsiderate morons. I would call you barbarians, but that would be an insult to the men who had the wherewithal to sack Rome. You couldn’t sack a 7-11.
Your pal,
— Mike
If this causes even one person to reflect on the courtesy he shows to his neighbors, I’ll have done my good deed for the day.
